Rar.

I am angry. At work, we are in the process of figuring out how to stabilize the organization after a rough ride in recent years. Yesterday as I was going through some of our files from our last Executive Director, I came across a report I had never seen before. It is a report written by a consultant back in 2004, detailing interviews with our funders. It looks like the report was meant to inform a strategic plan which never actually materialized. I was up until midnight poring over the report and madly scribbling notes.

I was fascinated by the things I read in the report and deeply troubled that so much of the exciting ideas presented were never given full consideration by our past leadership. Because the interviews were done anonymously, I can not reach back to those funders to have an open dialog. What appeared repeatedly in the report were things like, “unrealized potential” and “need to create a positive vision for the organization” and “need to get past personality and territory issues and learn to work with others in meaningful collaborations.”

We had the warning signs of funding trouble to come. And… yet… here we are nearly six years later with nothing to show for it. I suddenly feel angry. I feel like I have inherited a smoldering crap pile. “Hi Melissa! We’ve just screwed things up and now we’d like to stick you with the clean up. Thanks!”

This morning I did not write for fifteen minutes before checking my email. I started making calls and sending emails to past and present funders to start the process of mending the fences and engaging them in our future. If this organization is going to soar it is going to do so with many wings- we can no longer afford to be insular and exclusive.

Also, Ella threw up on me last night. I am a little touchy.