Stupid Country Song

I used to be a fan of country music. I am still, actually, except when it makes me cry. There are enough crappy things in life, do we really NEED music that depresses us, too?

Jay’s school had its fall/Halloween dance tonight. Being someone who loves to dance (in public, at drumming circles, at weddings, in the shower, when trying on clothes in fitting rooms- yes husband, that is why it takes me so long when I disappear into a fitting room. For each garment I try on, I lipsynch Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” and strut back and forth in front of the mirror, as I assume most women do. Your suspicions have now been confirmed). Where was I? Yes, the dance.

So I love to dance. Of course, before coming I did make sure that parents were actually supposed to show up, because I have a whole lifetime to embarrass Jay, and I wanted to hold off just a little before getting started on that. So parents invited? Check. We arrive at the school gym and the DJ announces a dance contest. I am cool with that. I can throw down with the best of these parents. I am ready with my Electric Slide and Macarena and Funky Chicken. Bring it.

The DJ urges the kids to grab a parent and get out on the dance floor. Jay and I make our way out into the colored lights amidst the princesses and pirates.

And Then.

This:


Yes folks, “Don’t Blink” by Kenny Chesney. Seriously. Who the hell thought that this would be a good idea? In case you didn’t play the video, I’ll give you a little taste of the lyrics.

Don't blink

Just like that you're six years old and you take a nap and you

Wake up and you're twenty-five and your high school sweetheart becomes your wife

Don't blink

You just might miss your babies growing like mine did

Turning into moms and dads next thing you know your "better half"

Of fifty years is there in bed

And you're praying God takes you instead

Trust me friend a hundred years goes faster than you think

So don't blink

Oh, I blinked alright. I blinked a crap ton, because tears were streaming down my face and were totally ruining my mascara. I mean, why not throw a little Sunrise, Sunset in there, too, DJ? Butterfly Kisses? Some other song that makes us all despair over how fast kids grow up, and then finishes with a reference to our spouse dying? Jesus.

Jay and I danced, while I held Jack snuggled against me in the sling and Ella shyly hid behind Chris’ legs wearing her pink princess gown and hiking boots. I sniffled. I tried not to be one of those girls at the school dance who runs out of the gym and into the bathroom sobbing (there’s always one. Just like dancing in the fitting room, this is another truism of our gender.)

After that, things got better. The country music ended and we got jiggy with it. Turns out Ella can get down.



Which means that shopping trips for clothes with us will start to take a lot longer.