In an effort to preserve our legacy as an agricultural trailblazer...

In an effort to preserve our legacy as an agricultural trailblazer, the state of Wisconsin has developed a new agricultural method, sure to please busy people everywhere:  We are now cooking our produce WHILE it grows.  

Introducing a whole new line of sun baked tomatoes, strawberries, asparagus, spinach, corn, zucchini and peppers.  No need to spend time cooking!  Our produce comes already baked, boiled and fried to a crisp.  No need to wash!  Our produce has not a speck of dirt because our drought conditions make sure that these vegetables have not once been muddy!  True convenience! 

And to save your back when hauling fresh produce, all of this year’s produce is grown small and stunted.  No need for bags!  You can carry all of your harvest in your front shirt pocket! 

Disclaimer: Actually, the drought and record breaking heat wave sucks in the worst way. 

We haven’t been to the garden except to throw some mercy water at it and then flee immediately from the baking sun.  The ground thirstily soaks up the water and the cracked earth looks both dramatic and urgent.  Yesterday’s high (the actual temp, not heat index) was 107.  One oh fucking seven.  As in, triple digits, buckling roads, heat induced closing of businesses and schools, nature is all burnt up, hot.  It is the hottest I have ever experienced, ya’ll.

We have not had rain in weeks. The total rainfall for the entire MONTH of June was less than a third of an inch.  I pee that much when I sneeze.

Our air conditioner is working as hard as it can and yet we can only get it to the mid-eighties in our condo. The grass is brown and brittle so that it crunches when you walk on it.  The city has asked residents to help them by watering city trees planted on the terrace (the space between the sidewalk and the street).  They’ve opened up cooling shelters to give residents respite from the unrelenting and unprecedented heat.  There is zero percent chance of rain in the forecast, and frankly, I am getting a little heat crazy.     

Maybe because I am a little heat crazy, I am more prone to being panicky and alarmist.  But there is something primal about intense, extensive heat with no rain or reprieve in sight.  It stirs something deep inside, awakens that lizard part of our brain, taps into the collective memory of our species, that says, “Oh shit.”  Something about times like these that recalls times like those when long, dry, hot spells meant catastrophe.  

I am not trying to be dramatic, but surveying the scene around me, I can hardly help it, either.  

As I stare out of the window and the unrelenting sun bakes down on the scorched ground outside, I wonder if this nationwide heat wave will be a wake up call to our society that climate change is real and it is happening at this very moment. I wonder when we can stop wasting resources by collecting data to make the case that climate change is a fact (because there is no debate about it in scientific circles) and start doing something about it? If we continue the status quo, these long, hot and intense dry spells could keep coming back repeatedly, and with each one, degrade our resources, resilience and quality of life.  

It is so hot that officials are advising us to stay inside for days on end. Days. The heat advisory started Tuesday and has been extended, uninterrupted, until Saturday night. Of course, it is not just here. We are experiencing record breaking temperatures across the country. Wildfires in Colorado because of crispy conditions, and destructive storms with hurricane strength winds in the mid-Atlantic. Meanwhile, the Pacific coast is cooler than usual and has experienced above average precipitation.  Climate change. 

Dots. Connected. 

Is this the kind of world we want? One in which we can’t go outside for a walk, or pick a fresh strawberry, chase fireflies, or sit idly in the garden?  I think we can do better.  We’ve got to do better.  

I’d kinda like to get my kids out of the house sometime this month, and although cooking your vegetables while they grow is efficient, it should probably be left to the realm of science fiction, not your average kitchen gardener.  Keep calm (and cool) and carry on.