Scenes from the office

Scene:  Environmental organization’s kitchen, late afternoon. The office manager, a guy with a penchant for pink polos and flip flops is testily swatting at a dozen or so fruit flies that have congregated above the trash can. He jumps a little to reach a couple up high and then swings his arms to bat at a few more.

Him: These things are everywhere!

Me: (pouring a cup of coffee) Yeah, they seem to spike in late summer. I’ve got them at my place, too. Eh. I guess it’s just everybody eating all the produce in season right now. They’ll go away soon.

Him:  But people are putting fruit peels into the trash and then it becomes MY problem. 

Me:

Him: …I suppose it’s not a good idea to spray them with insect killer?

Me: !!!!!!!!

Him: Yeah. Probably not.

Me: Yes, probably not. I tell you what. Tomorrow I’ll bring in some vinegar and we’ll make a fruit fly trap. They work really well and then we don’t poison ourselves, all Rachel Carson Silent Spring style.

Him: (Smiles) That’d be great!

Me: Awesome! (Silently congratulating myself on a small, but important environmental and health victory)

I walk back to my office and then remember that I forgot my coffee cup in the kitchen.  Turning around, I head back to the kitchen and as I round the bend, office manager freezes, a can of flying insect killer in hand. His finger is on the trigger and the can of overkill is pointing at a single fruit fly on the wall. His face, a moment ago contorted in all consuming focus on hosing a single fruit fly with a stream of poison now only registers a slumpy guilt.

Him: Um…

Me:  Um.

Him: It’s uh… it’s... 

Me: Dude.  Duuuuuuuuuuuuude.

Shaking my head, I grab the “flying insect and random other things killer” from his hand and stash it safely in a sane co-worker's office. Office manager continues to bat at the fruit flies like a cat with a shiny toy. 

Now for the multiple choice part.

Do you:

A) Go back to your office and mock him on your blog.

B) Contemplate making funny office manager videos to post on the internet, knowing that the poison has been disposed of properly, predicting that the fruit flies will only increase in number, and that his exaggerated contortions will likely allow your videos to outpace funny cat videos.  Calculate how much you can make on the advertising revenue from funny office manager videos gone viral and then buy a pallet of bananas and have them shipped to the office.  

C) Send him this email:

Dear Office Manager,

If you pick up vinegar I will make a vinegar trap for the fruit flies, so that we do not create a Silent Spring sitch right here in the office kitchen, because generally speaking, I dislike insect killer in my coffee.

PS: You will never get your “bug and environment killing” spray back (mooooohooooohaaaaahaaaaaaa!)

PPS: Why do you hate the environment?

Hugs,
Me

D) All of the above

There is probably a right answer here somewhere, but I'm having trouble figuring it out.  But, hey! Good news! My bananas should be arriving in the next two hours or so.