I play softball. Let me re-phrase that. My teammates play softball. I stand in right field and run from the ball when it comes my way. But whatever. Tonight we had our butts thoroughly kicked. I need some sympathy.
Following our demoralizing loss, our team made a decision. Do we need to practice more? Reconfigure the player's positions? Play more strategically? The verdict came down solidly on the side of "Hell No".
Drawing on my vast medical background (one time I did a web search for "gout"), I surmised that the best way to treat a kicked butt is the "R.I.C.E. treatment." That is an acronym for Drink Lots of Beer. (It's Latin.)
Really, if we won a game that would be cause for great celebration. Hell, we might even take out a full page in the New York Times proclaiming our supreme awesomeness. See, we're a team of environmentalists. So, we are all about being happy and wearing our Birkenstocks. Not winning. While we don't exactly worry about what we'll wear to the championships, we're all about telling our teammates what a great job they've done.
Me: "La, la, la, ohhhh... Dandelions. You can eat those, you know. Should I pick some for a salad tonight? Hey that ball is coming my way. Um, what do I do? Oh, I hope it doesn't hit me..."
Teammates: Melissa, catch it!
Me: "Yum.... Dandelions. High in Vitamin C. Ack! That ball is getting closer. Why isn't somebody else trying to catch it?"
Teammates: "Melissa, it's all you!"
Me: "OUCH! Hey you guys, this is NOT a 'softball'."
Teammates: Great way to stop the ball with your face! Good job!
See, I told you they were an encouraging bunch.
So, we lost, but that's o.k., because we like to keep our record clean. Who needs the hassle of winning a game, anyway? Instead, we consoled ourselves with beer. Also, as athletes, we understand that we need to fuel our bodies. That's why we chose only the best.
Today I also chose a pattern for my new knitting project: a cable knit sweater. My most favorite knitting shop is a place called the Sows Ear, in Verona, WI. It is a coffee and yarn shop combined, and their motto is "Feed Your Addictions". Don't you love that? Anyway, I searched their patterns for one I loved, and I found a drop shoulder Aran style pullover. Then I priced the yarn it would take to knit the sucker. Good Lord. Can you say "groceries for a month?". I bought the pattern, I left the yarn. I'll need to sleep on that for a night or two.
Once I get it started, I'll be sure to post pictures, especially once she has a name. (I think, that much like boats, knitting projects are female, even if ultimately worn by a guy. Not sure why that is, but I declare it is so.)
Anyway, I'll go ice my face now. Does anybody have an idea when I can expect my depth perception to return?
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