The Gift That Keeps on Giving

Dear Universe,

I wrote about how much I value homemade gifts the other day, yes. But, really. This was a little too much.

What do you get for that person on your list who has everything? What gift keeps on giving and giving… and giving?

Oh! Oh! I know this one!

It’s better than a Chia Pet. It’s the norovirus. Thanks, Universe, but you shouldn't have. Really. Actually, Universe, you know what? You are a jerk.

So, in a span of five days, we have seen twelve people downed by what seems to be the dreaded norovirus, a fun little virus that is so contagious merely looking at someone’s shadow will start the wretching. It causes horrible stomach cramps, vomiting and diarrhea, and lasts for 24 to 48 hours. Merry f---ing Christmas!

It came up from Kansas and sickened everyone in the car. It spread to Jay, Chris and me, then on to everyone else in his family before moving on to my family visiting from Miami.

So, can we come over? We’ll bring the ginger ale and our own barf bags!

Universe, I know I was all preachy and whiny about the holidays being too consumeristic, but boy did you bust my chops on this one.

All I am saying is, do not expect a thank you card from me.

Sincerely,

Me