A letter to the garden thief

To whoever stole the brussel sprouts out of my garden,

I understand that we take certain risks by growing our food in a community garden plot. Maybe because I was not actively standing in my garden plot at the exact moment you came into it, you may have thought they were fair game. Maybe you needed the food more than my family does. Maybe you thought they wouldn’t be missed.

I’ll tell you this. You didn’t have to be such an asshole about it.

You hacked off the top of all of my brussel sprout plants, just as their little round heads were finally making their appearance along the stalks. I bought those plants from a garden store in May, one of the few splurges I made on the garden this year. Mostly we planted from seed, started indoors, with a lot of planning, optimism and good thoughts sent out to the universe, just for good measure. I have been watching these brussel sprouts gradually come into their own over the last few months.

Maybe you have, too.

They moved from tiny, scrappy little seedlings, into taller, robust, thick stemmed plants the color of emeralds. I would inspect them almost daily and say nice things to them, encouraging them to grow strong, and asking for their blessing as I fed my family with them in the future. I weeded around their thick leaves. I watched them for damage and I watered and worried about them as any good garden mother would do.

Since growing my own garden, Brussel Sprouts have become my favorite. I love the way they taste, steamed and with a pat of butter. I love the way they grow, all quirky and side ways. I love how comical the stalk looks all full of little green balls growing up its sides. You know, I didn’t know how Brussel Sprouts grew until I grew them myself and watched the heads pop out from the sides of the stalks. I was so surprised when I finally found out how they grew that for days I talked about it to just about everyone. It became apparent that I don’t get out much.

This year we planted eight of those magical plants, and I had plans of freezing them and saving them for the coming year. You see, while I enjoy working in the garden, our garden is not a hobby. We use it as a real life way to produce our own food, and as much of it, as possible. We freeze and can and preserve our garden harvest and use it throughout the rest of the year to help decrease our grocery bill. Maybe you needed them more than we did. But probably not.

I don’t know how to end this letter. Just know that those brussel sprouts will be missed, and by stealing every single one of them you have pillaged my garden as well as my faith in others. Also know that karma is a boomerang and that brussel sprouts give you the farts.

Love,
Me