I went for a run today with a friend who works in the office across the hall. It was her second outside run of the year, having spent the winter running on a treadmill in the gym. During the non-icy parts of the year we often go for lunchtime runs together, as we both do about the same distance and speed.
Before setting out on the run today, she cautioned me that she wasn’t quite up to our usual distance because she is transitioning to outside running, which can be a little more challenging (Take note. That was hint number one). We were about ten or fifteen minutes out when we got to a decision point in the route. Straight would take us over to the lake shore where we could run with Kodi off leash and have an enjoyable crushed rock path to run on. Right would take us back through the city on asphalt but would get us back much sooner.
I asked which direction she wanted to go.
Runner friend: “I’d prefer to go to the right… but it’s up to you” (hint number two)
Me: “Well great! Cause I’d like to go straight and hit that nice crushed rock trail!”
Straight we went. We crossed the street and got to the other side. Here she said, “Well, we could still turn right and head back through the city… but it’s up to you.”
That’s when I realized that we were speaking the same language, but profoundly different dialects.
When someone says, “I’d like to do (insert verb here), but it’s up to you,” I take that as, “Whatever your idea is, it’s great and we should TOTALLY go for it, oh mighty wise one.” Mostly, once I hear, “It’s up to you” the decision is made. I have already forgotten the first part of the statement, which is usually, “I’d prefer to do this, but…”
After countless misunderstandings with Chris, I finally realized that in the Midwest when people say, “I’d like to do (insert verb here)”, that means, “I really, really, really, really, REALLY, OMFG really, want to do this, and if we don’t, I will know that you are a selfish jerk. But I won’t say anything because I am too nice. Probably I will bake you one less cookie next time I bake a batch for you and THAT will demonstrate the severity of my wrath.”
At the risk of oversimplification and coming off as extremely culturally insensitive, I want to share what I have learned over the many years of being married to a Midwesterner: They have opinions.
Really.
I know this may come as a shock, and it certainly shocked me too, but it is the truth. Here is more wisdom I have learned from Chris over the course of our marriage:
When Midwesterners TRULY don’t care about something, they don’t even bother expressing an opinion. When they have a mild preference, they don’t bother expressing an opinion, either. When they have a pretty strong preference you might hear (or might not) hear a vagueish opinion-like statement expressing a kind-of-ish preference. To East Coasters, this may sound like an expression of neutrality
(or *cough, cough*- sissiness)
It is often only when they have a VERY strong preference that you may hear it verbalized. For example, “I’d prefer to go to the right… but it’s up to you.”
After her second comment, the light bulb flashed on and I understood that she was not really saying it was up to me. I finally got that she was too nice to tell me that she wanted to head back to the office and that if we went any further she would be forced to take out my knees with the hard chunks of gray ice piled along the road. I corrected with a, “Great idea! I never run this route, anyway, it’ll be good for me.” We headed back to the office and have a date to run again next week, so I think my last minute Midwest-East Coast translation must have been successful.
Still, I could use one of those real-time translators like they have in the UN. It’d sure keep me out of trouble from time to time.
Ha! That's about right.
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